Unreasonably Generous?

Here I am, a forty-something starting over with my own business that literally depends upon the generosity of others. And you may not see it every day, which is why I've heard that "thoughtfulness is a luxury"- crazy thought, to me at least. But I've done my fair share of doom scrolling and seen enough Mr. Beast videos to know that there is some generosity left in the world, and I like to believe that it is not JUST for views. So being the nerd that I am, I went to the library to look for books (yes, actually books with physical pages) on the topic of giving. These are the two I found: Infectious Generosity by Chris Anderson and Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara.

Infectious Generosity essentially moves to drive others to use the power of the internet for good, spreading generosity. It also explains some of the why behind the need for this movement as well. I found this part to be quite telling:

"So the science seems to strongly support the wisdom attested to by many of history's most inspiring people: Generosity will bring you happiness. And yet I don't think many people truly believe it. Many truths about happiness are commonplace. Love can make you happy. Beauty-whether in art or in nature - can make you happy. Meaningful work can make you happy. Money- to an extent - can make you happy. We know these things to be true and we spend huge amounts of effort pursuing them. But few people talk about the profound happiness that can come from giving."

As I read and re-read this, I contemplate the past several years of my life. I spent many years pursuing higher pay and promotions thinking that would make me happy. Spoiler alert: I was happy when I achieved them, but not in the long run. As a leader, looking for happiness in my role, I found myself more focused on things I could do for my team. My favorite day of the year was the day I got to call them all to tell them what their raise and bonus was going to be. I also loved sending them little gifts and planning our offsite. So, yeah. Even before I realized I wasn't really that happy in my role, I kept myself as happy as possible through these acts of generosity. One quote in the book summarizes that feeling- that connection. 

"Generosity is remarkable. It makes the recipient feel seen. It's like handing them their self-respect. It builds a bridge of connection between the giver and the recipient. So I wanted to make other people feel seen, just like how I had felt seen."

But aside from annual pay increases and Mr. Beast-level giving what can we do on a budget? Surely nothing that great, right? Wrong. In fact, Unreasonable Hospitality goes through quite a few examples of what it refers to as Legends. So much can come from just paying attention. One example in the book was when a banker who came to dine at the restaurant teased that "sure, an after-dinner drink would be great, but what he really needed was a million dollars to finish his raise." Before this banker left the restaurant that night, he was surprised with a bag filled with ten 100 Grand candy bars. It created a memorable experience and gave quite a laugh, all for a fraction of the profit they made that night. There are many stories in Unreasonable Hospitality like this, most that start with the simple act of listening and responding. Will Guidara and I may view gifts similarly, actually:

"Gifts, to me, are deeply meaningful, which is why I get so mad when a business gives me a cheap tote with a branded USB drive. Try harder! Do better! Gifts are a way to tell people you saw, heard, and recognized them- that you cared enough to listen, and to do something with what you heard. A gift transforms an interaction, taking it from transactional to relational; there is no better way than a gift to demonstrate that someone is more than a customer or a line item on a spreadsheet. And the right one can help your extend your hospitality all the way into someone's life."

Does this all sound unreasonable to you? Unfathomable? Maybe they are right- maybe thoughtfulness is a luxury. Regardless, the simple act of paying attention and giving thoughtfully doesn't cost much but can yield huge profits. Whether you personally want to bring smiles to the faces of your family members, coworkers, or employees or you are trying to land a new relationship, in business or love, it all can be done by paying attention and giving thoughtfully. Guidara states (and I agree), "It isn't the lavishness of the gift that counts, but its pricelessness."